Gossip Girl Quickie: Sweet Juliet

This Monday on The CW, Gossip Girl hits (I believe) the final episode of its fourth season before the traditional holiday hiatus. As pointed out a few days ago on Twitter by Sean T. Collins and echoed by myself, this latest run of GG has been pretty stellar and a marked step up from last year’s on-again, off-again quality and a major reason has to be new villain Juliet, played by probably the best thing to come out of the unfortunate misstep that was Melrose Place 2.0, Katie Cassidy and unquestionably television’s finest user of that name since Lost ended.

Why has Juliet earned her notch above the likes of Poppy, that married lady Nate was with and perhaps even Georgina? A few reasons…

One chance to make a first impression
Juliet’s first appearance on Gossip Girl was innocuous enough, seemingly just a new fling for Nate, but then we had the dynamite end of episode scene where we learned she had some sort of grudge against Upper East Siders—only later on did we find out it was specifically Serena—and saw the reveal of her crazy wall o’ pictures that made her seem like Russell Crowe in “A Beautiful Mind” if he only cared about Manhattan’s teen elite. Whether the show intended it or not, having her laptop open to Gossip Girl was a stroke of minor genius as fans speculated for weeks if she was in fact GG (she’s not).

Class warfare
We’ve had no shortage of rich kids squabbling amongst each other on Gossip Girl, but Juliet marks the first real time the threat has emerged from the middle class, and indeed her lack of wealth often comes into play, be it as a motivating factor, a secret to be concealed from Nate, or fuel for getting the likes of Vanessa and Jenny to serve as her pawns. In the weird dynamic of this show where the spoiled brats are the heroes, it just makes twisted sense that the girl who has to do her own dishes is the villain; you also get the twist of viewers who idolize Serena and Blair wondering if they should be siding with the underdog even if she is a manipulative sociopath (I figure).

Secrets, secrets
Typically Gossip Girl is the ultimate ADD show, where no plot lasts longer than three episodes and no mystery stays unsolved much longer, but exactly why Juliet hates Serena and the other shadowy elements of her character have been handled with laudable restraint by the writers this season. We’ve gotten tantalizing teases pretty consistently—the middle class thing, her brother is in jail because of something Serena did, her cousin is rich and supported her—but not the big whammy, which they’ve saved presumably for this week.

Survival of the fittest
When the GG crew takes down an opponent, typically they stay taken down—Georgina being the one exception, but she’s an ally as often as she is an enemy—but Juliet has defied this more than once. She survived Serena and Blair teaming up to expose her initial scheming and still kept Nate under her thumb for a bit after. She managed to toss Vanessa under the bus for trying to get Serena booted from college and even retained her as an accomplice later on. Most impressively, she became the first character ever to survive the full brunt of the Gossip Girl Justice League coming down on her in brutal fashion at the ballet and bounced back to recruit Jenny and annihilate Serena over the next two weeks. She has actually evolved from each defeat to the point where it’s now going to necessitate the unlikely duo of Blair and Dan—Dan basically being the Adam Strange or Phantom Stranger of the Upper East Side JLA—to put the final nail in her coffin.

Not just a pretty face
It helps that Katie Cassidy is an attractive girl since otherwise she’d stick out like a sore thumb on a CW show, but she’s also got some solid acting chops, which believe it or not you also need on Gossip Girl, which I maintain features one of the more talented young casts on television. She’s been able to lend a depth to Juliet and make more sympathetic more than a few times, be it in her relationship with Nate or reluctance to turn on Colin; I felt really bad for her after the ballet smackdown! At the same time, she still revels in being a bitch and doing horrible things, so you never really mistake her for the good girl. The line Cassidy walks between these two roles is perfectly subtle and fluid; on Melrose Place, Ella tanked in spite of Katie’s talents because the writers seemingly had no grasp on who she’s supposed to be, whereas here the crew of Gossip Girl definitely seem to have a plan for Juliet, albeit a layered and sometimes confusion one, that the actress portraying her has pulled off wonderfully, proving once and for all when it came to that other show she was most definitely not the problem.

Though Juliet has certainly exceeded the average shelf life of a Gossip Girl villain already, I certainly wouldn’t be upset to see her stick around even longer; barring that, I look forward to Katie Cassidy’s next role, which will hopefully somehow be on Smallville.

What Ben's Watching

My comrade the lovely and talented TJ Dietsch has been chronicling his television viewing habits in multi-part fashion of late, so I figured I’d take the idea out for a spin.

I guess you’d probably say I’m a bit of an odd duck when it comes to TV. My tastes are pretty all over the place; from sitcoms to period pieces to sketch comedy to hour-long dramas to sports and some really dumb shit, I like a little of everything.

I don’t watch some of the stuff that’s supposedly among the best out there (according to friends whose opinion I trust) and am really into other shows people don’t have high opinions of. I’ve been accused to having almost a feminine inclination as far as some of my favorite programs (you may recall my enthusiasm for Melrose Place), but I’m a pretty strong believe that gender, age, race, etc. should never ever dictate what you enjoy from culture and will speak fairly passionately on it when pushed.

Off the soapbox, here’s what I watch and what I think of what I watch, probably a little more scattershot and brief than TJ because I want to try and get this done all in one shot.

MONDAY


How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
Only started watching this last season after playing catch up on DVD, and after dipping a little last year, I think it’s back in a nice groove now. Very different from most of the comedies I watch in that even though it’s zany, it’s still pretty grounded, the characters are pretty believable and there’s some moral grounding to the whole deal; it’s heartfelt, a bit more like shows I watched as a kid. Really great cast, as I feel like even the weakest link—Ted—is damn funny at this point, and they’ve all got great chemistry.


Gossip Girl (The CW)
Not just a show, an experience. If you’re going to watch Gossip Girl, you’ve got to accept you’re not gearing up for a refined television experience, but pure entertainment that is not afraid to cater to every denominator. The thing I like about Gossip Girl is that it’s quite self-aware of how over-the-top and preposterous it is, and rather try to switch things up, it revels in all that with ridiculous dialogues and the characters saying exactly what you’re thinking as a viewer (“Serena, you’re a whore” being the most common thought, I’d imagine, though I really liked when Juliet actually said the chain of hookups between the core cast out loud the other week without irony). And yet, as much as they switch romantic partners with absurdity and cycle through story arcs with reckless abandon, you really care about the relationships between the friends and lovers, and a lot of that comes back to some really talented young actors who run with what they’re given. This season has been everything I’ve wanted thus far.


WWE Raw (USA)
It’s been over a two-decade love affair between myself and professional wrestling, and honestly probably one I’ll maintain my whole life. Having grown up and been around the industry a bit on the fringe recently via friendships with guys like Christopher Daniels, I’ve gotten a bit more insight on how the wrestling business works, and to be honest, I’ll vacillate between being amazed by the performers and disgusted by some of the folks running the show. But regardless of all that, wrestling is my comfort food; I watched it with my dad as a kid, I went to shows with my buddies through high school and college, and likely I’ll keep my standing date on Monday nights as long as I’ve got the ability to do so. World Wrestling Entertainment’s live flagship show has certainly undergone a lot of changes in the past decade in particular with a shift to PG-TV, and I guess I miss the more adult trappings at times, but I still dig the athleticism, and frankly the current youth movement with guys like Nexus and Sheamus as well as young veterans like John Cena and Randy Orton has pushed Raw to the best it’s been in quite awhile.


Bret Michaels: Life As I Know It (VH1)
As an avid Rock of Love viewer, I was psyched for this show, and then a little let down when it turned out to be a complete 180 from that beautiful train wreck, focusing on Bret Michaels: Family Man rather than Bret Michaels: Sex Addict. However, Bret is honestly one of the most likable and endearing celebrities I’ve ever seen, particularly on reality TV, and his daughters have completely won me over—the adorable temper tantrum-prone little one and wise-beyond-her-years tween—so I’ve found nothing but a good time with this show.

TUESDAY


Glee (Fox)
Some people freak out over this show, and I’m not one of them, but I do really enjoy it. There are characters and aspects that really rub me the wrong way occasionally, but for the most part, I find it one of the more entertaining hours on TV. I’m not looking for epic storytelling here—and I’m a bit mystified by the Emmy nods for acting, truth be told—just musical numbers that I can dig, funny lines, and Jane Lynch or Mike O’Malley carrying the heavy lifting on the dramatic stuff. I appreciate that some people are really into these characters, and I think the actors are incredibly talented, but honestly I’m more in it to see what songs they cover than how most of the arcs resolve; well-produced program with performers who work harder than maybe anybody else.


Parenthood (NBC)
The best show on TV right now, I do believe. I read a piece on this where several members of the cast commented on how so much of what they do is heavy improvisation; it shows and I think it brings out the best in all of them and of the series as well. Kinda cool that there are no gimmicks here, just a funny, emotional, well-written and well-acted show about the bonds of family. I think the Bravermans are the kind of cool, extended family you’d actually want to be a part of, which is of course a major boon for Parenthood. I enjoy watching Lauren Graham and Mae Whitman banter on this show, but I also get really invested in the more serious stuff about raising a kid with Asbergers, so it’s a one-stop-shop for the emotional payoff and lighthearted fun I look for on TV.

WEDNESDAY


Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes! (DisneyXD)
I don't need to be a company man to tell you this show is fucking awesome. It's Justice League Unlimited for the Marvel Universe in all the best ways, but just as Marvel has its own unique flavor from DC, so do this show from JLU. Experience it for yourself and come join me on the Marvel.com liveblog while you do it! Shill over.


Hellcats (The CW)
I have watched the first few episodes of this cheerleading tour de force because myself, my wife and two of our friends who recently moved to the area thought it would be fun to follow a show we knew wouldn’t last a year and make fun of it along the way. So now it got picked up for a second season and I’ve got Hellcats taking over my DVR and three people on my case about when we’re going to do a marathon; what have I done…


Top Chef (Bravo)
The only reality show I watch on a regular basis and the cream of the crop as far as I can tell (with the Emmy hardware to prove it). After a so-so season seven of the standard show set in Washington, DC, they’re now ramping up the brilliant Just Desserts cycle and the first-ever All-Stars installment is weeks away. The franchise keeps finding ways to reinvent itself and I definitely appreciate that. I love and am fascinated by food and the art of cooking and wish I could be more of a foodie than my lactose intolerant, IBS-suffering body will allow, so this show allows me to do a bit of living vicariously. The competition has some real characters and the judges do a great job running herd on them, so I hope they keep doing what they’re doing for a long time.


Blue Mountain State (SpikeTV)
I started watching this show on a total whim a couple weeks ago and have become mildly obsessed with it. A sort of Van Wilder-on-TV mash-up of football, sex and college excess to ridiculous extremes, it’s not necessarily very good, but it’s really a lot of fun. My jaw is pretty regularly dropped at just how far they go with the humor, even if it’s the softest of balls they’re knocking out of the park, but it’s nice to turn my brain off once in awhile. Highlight far and away is Alan Ritchson, Smallville’s bland-as-heck Aquaman as the crazy, hyperactive, over-stimulated team captain who speaks just about every line in a high-pitched semi-squeal; dude is a genius of physical comedy.

THURSDAY


Bones (Fox)
Megan and I raced through Bones from beginning to present this past summer, so I saw the best and worst of the show in pretty short order. I think the current season is definitely midway between the two extremes, as it’s not my favorite thing to watch, but once it gets going, I enjoy it more often than not. I think the undeniable chemistry between Booth and Bones still makes for potent fuel and the cases remain pretty fascinating—even when I can’t necessarily follow them—so that’s all good. On the downside, it feels like most of the supporting cast has grown pretty stale and there’s not much to do with them, so we’re getting a lot more gimmicks, both good and bad, as opposed to character development. This one may be on its last legs, but hopefully it finishes strong.


30 Rock (NBC)
Gets better every week and if I could only watch one thing this might well be it. No cast or writing staff is more perpetually in the zone than 30 Rock’s and every line, scene and storyline just rolls so seamlessly. It’s the most quotable show on TV and benefits from knowing exactly how to use fantastic guest stars like Matt Damon, Jon Hamm and Elizabeth Banks. It’s a lot harder to write about something good than something bad, I’ve often found, so honestly I don’t know really what more to say about 30 Rock.


Grey’s Anatomy (ABC)
After a strong start, Grey’s Anatomy had a rough couple of seasons worth of terrible writing and characters who you wanted to punch in the face constantly. Now I’m not saying all those problems have been erased, but they definitely started to turn the corner back around last year and now they’re in the midst of their best season in years with a string of incredibly strong episodes to kick off the latest run. I feel like a lot of this had to do with a pretty significant turnover in cast members, as a lot of the played out characters like George and Izzie bolted to be replaced by far more entertaining and affable folks like Arizona, Teddy and Jackson. Veterans like Eric Dane, Patrick Dempsey, especially Justin Chambers and even Ellen Pompeo have really stepped up their game to match the raised bar and Chyler Leigh’s Lexie is one of my favorite characters on TV. The game-changing season finale last year has really ratcheted up the intensity—even if the traumatized Christina storyline is dragging like crazy—and I’m pleased at how well things are going for this show.

FRIDAY


Smallville (The CW)
If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you know how I feel about this show. It’s my greatest guilty pleasure, I have way more affection for it than I sometimes think I should, and I’m loving blogging about it with Kiel.


WWE Smackdown (Syfy)
I don’t watch Smackdown with quite as much urgency as Raw, probably since years of it being pre-taped have trained me into seeing it as less important (and it’s on Fridays), but some of my favorite performers ply their trade there, including Edge, Cody Rhodes, the currently injured Christian and more. This makes for good DVR fodder when I’m bumming around on a Saturday or Sunday.

SATURDAY


Saturday Night Live (NBC)
Another show that has made a real resurgence over the past few years, picking up steam with the 2008 election and then working hard to stay topical and relevant even without Sarah Palin to kick around. The first couple episodes of this season seemed to squander talented hosts like Jane Lynch and Emma Stone a bit, but I was really impressed with the new cast members, so there was a silver lining. Last week with the show’s latest go-to host Jon Hamm back again, the writers really shined, and if we’re lucky that will be the pattern moving forward.

SUNDAY

Family Guy (Fox)
This show is sleepwalking at this point, and I’m worried it won’t be long until it’s as formulaic as The Simpsons has become. I still get at least one decent chuckle a week, so I’m not giving up yet, but pushing the envelope when nobody cares seems to have become more important than humor, and that’s a shame.


Brothers & Sisters (ABC)
A couple years ago, this was Parenthood, but now this once-great show with a still-tremendous ensemble is off to a terrible start for what looks like it could be its swansong. The loss of Rob Lowe hit Brothers & Sisters harder than I ever could have imagined, and now with Emily VanCamp gone as well, there are some serious holes I’m not so sure can be filled. The boisterous energy of seasons past has been replaced with morbid, depressing storylines and I’m afraid the Walkers may have hit a nosedive there’s no pulling out of.


Eastbound & Down (HBO)
Just out-of-control offensive and hilarious in the process. Danny McBride is one of the funniest performers on the planet and the nonsensical stream of machismo he’s constantly uttering is spectacular; you should really really not love Kenny Powers, but how can you not?

11 Reasons I Love Gossip Girl Right Now

The more accurate title to this post would be something like “11 Reasons the Season Premiere of Gossip Girl Was Awesome,” but that seemed too long for the journalist in me who loves those short, snappy headlines—and nothing brings out me inner journalist quite like blogging about The CW’s Monday night soap opera de force about privileged New York City teenagers and their sexual escapades!

1. After coming to terms that last year’s abortive attempt to revive my beloved Melrose Place came up woefully short, I had the revelation while watching Gossip Girl’s fourth season premiere on DVR tonight that it’s really ok, because the stuff I truly loved about MP lives on in spirit with GG. Here we have a show that takes its over-the-top, nonsensical craziness and rather than shy away, it revels in it. I give the Gossip Girl writing staff enough credit that I assume they’re at least somewhat in on the joke and realize they’re producing entertainment and not art here and thus have decided to have fun with it, but even if they’re not, they do a great job making it seem like they do, so I dig it. There’s no way anybody would ever talk or act like these characters do—I hope—and thus the writers just keep amping up the suspension of belief more and more—as they should! You have to go for it! And I’m not saying there’s not talent amongst this cast and crew, because I believe there’s plenty, but all the skill in the world doesn’t matter if you don’t recognize the game you’re playing and make yourself comfortable, which Gossip Girl absolutely has.

2. Along those same lines, where it once irked me just how much of the plot twists and tension came from the fact that nobody on this show tells each other anything and everybody finds out about everything second or third hand—I know it drove Sean T. Collins nuts—the show has found a way to get me to accept that this structure is just part of the rules, like Lost having mysteries or Mad Men having alcohol. Of course Dan would successfully conceal the fact that he became a father from his parents and everybody he knows for three months! This is Gossip Girl!

3. I love that they pretty much have characters just come out and say Serena’s a whore now and she doesn’t bother denying it anymore. Like, when Blair was listing off all the guys she had slept with in Paris, Serena didn’t try to protest or make excuses like she would in the past, she just kinda smiled. Good! It always bugged me that Serena behaved as this wild and promiscuous party girl yet was also supposed to somehow be the chaste object of everybody’s affections; she can be a self-admitted tart and still be believable desirable on a show like this, let’s be frank about it. Even her mom straight up was like, “So, how are all those dudes you’re sleeping with?”

4. On the flipside, I hope Serena’s tacit embrace of the skanky side doesn’t totally screw up the chances of her reuniting with Dan after Mr. Morality spent the summer raising a kid without asking for a paternity test. Even though most people seem to dislike the preachy (former) poor kid, he’s still one of my favorites and I still maintain he and Serena should be the center of the show, if for no other reason than so he can continue having conversations with his stepmother about how a relationship with his stepsister wouldn’t work because she wouldn’t want to be a stepmother to his new kid by her best friend-turned-archenemy, yet neither seem to think the aforementioned stepsiblings thing would be the issue here. I love this show because I can write sentences like that about it!

5. Of the entire cast, I never thought it would be Chace Crawford who would refine his acting chops the most over the last two seasons, but give credit to the guy for not just coasting on “being too beautiful for this world” (TM Sean T. Collins). Whereas I once found Nate to be the dullest character on the show, he’s now probably the most real—not exactly a challenge among this lot, but still—and perhaps the most charming behind Chuck and Blair. Now if only he weren’t consistently stuck in the most boring plotlines, which seems to be about to change, since…

6. …holy smokes, Katie Cassidy is playing some sort of crazy middle class stalker who’s obsessed with the Gossip Girl gang! At least that’s what I think. We actually thought she might be Gossip Girl herself for a moment, but I don’t think so. This show has botched stuff like this before in terms of making a character seem super cool and then having their big reveal be kinda lame (Vanessa’s androgynous boyfriend being Rufus and Lily’s lovechild), but I’m keeping the faith here. Katie was one of the few good parts of Melrose 2.0, and I was happy enough to see her playing a non-manic character since that was my major hang-up with Ella, but I’m more than happy to see her take over Ashlee Simpson’s spot as my favorite CW psycho.

7. Vanessa was used exactly in the right capacity: let her come in for a few minutes, say lines like “Let’s not talk about her George-gyna,” (thanks for spoiling that one for me, Entertainment Weekly) then exit promptly.

8. Fucking Georgina Sparks, man! I will never get sick of how this crazy bitch waltzes in and out of the show and consistently manages to outwit these stupid, stupid, gullible people. Michelle Trachtenberg is so perfect in this role, from her completely unconvincing puppy dog routine to her constantly arched eyebrow—love it.

9. I’m ok with them giving Blair some depth, but not too much, if only because Leighton Meester is so good with comedy. Her tender scenes with Chuck or heartfelt confessions to Serena are fine, but let’s never lose the subplots of her self-sabotaging her chances with a studly prince because he pulls an obvious bait and switch and she can’t bring herself to even converse with a lowly driver.

10. Chuck Bass actually has a secret identity? And it’s something as perfectly comic book-y as “Henry Prince”?! It’s really happening, Sean! The Dark Knight returns!

11. Last but certainly not least: Jenny Humphrey reduced to off-screen references and nothing more! Yay! Let’s savor it while it lasts!

Best Analogies of the Week (thus far)

"Chuck gets gunned down in Crime Alley, surely soon to be born again as the billionaire crimefighter he already more or less became this episode. Nate's playing Dick Grayson to Chuck's time-lost Bruce Wayne, inheriting the Mantle of the Bass ... It's sort of like Gossip Girl Season Three Part Two was Dark Reign, the finale was Siege (with better fight choreography), and now hopefully Season Four will be the Heroic Age."

-Sean T. Collins on the Gossip Girl season finale

Gossip Girl season finale thoughts

A wonderful thing happened earlier this year when my good friend Professor Sean T. Collins joined me and several other of our heterosexual mid-20's/early-30's male friends in becoming a fan of the TV show Gossip Girl. Not only did I have another chum with which to discuss the guilty pleasure I never feel guilty about, but I also got the added bonus of being able to read Sean's insightful dissections of each new episode ever Tuesday morning.

I was thus disappointed when I sent Sean a text last night saying how excited I was to read his report in the season finale and learned he would not be viewing it until Wednesday (he had to fulfill his cultural imperative to Crank: High Voltage instead).

So I've decided to do my best and try to fill the gaping vacuum currently out there by offering my own humble thoughts on last night's episode. I'm actually feeling the task a bit daunting given in what high regard I hold Sean's work and his ability to cut through, as he calls it, the "dense and nuanced mythology" that is Gossip Girl, but nonetheless, I soldier on.

Oh. Needless to say...

SPOILERS

-Most episodic TV shows spend at least the second third or half of their season setting up storylines building into the finale. Some shows like LOST save payoffs even longer in the works for their final episodes of the season. Not so with Gossip Girl, a show clearly paced for a generation with ADD, as resolution and game-changing moments are rarely more than two or three episodes away at any given time. Case in point: the relatively slow-burning plot that had Serena's frenemy Poppy Lifton extorting millions of dollars and the gang teaming up with archnemesis Georgina Sparks to gain revenge would on a normal show be driven through into the finale, but on Gossip Girl, it was resolved two weeks ago. Instead, this finale relied on only one real long-awaited dangling thread (Chuck-Blair) and more or less treated the rest of the episode like business as usual, relying on character and performance to make it seem special. It's a gutsy approach, but for this show, it absolutely works. Creator Josh Schwartz' last show, The O.C., burnt out because of a similar breakneck pace, but the difference is on Gossip Girl is they seem quite aware of the absurdity of it all and don't mind winking to the audience about it from time to time.

-The one sorta-shocker was the actual involvement of Gossip Girl as an almost active character as opposed to just an omniscient narrator/plot device. Making GG the big bad for lack of a better description was a neat way to unite all the players against a common foe and also set the episode apart, making it seem a bit more special. I was not completely unconvinced Kristen Bell herself would not make a cameo (though I'm glad she didn't). They also did a nice job swerving at least me by showing up front Georgina would be in the episode and having Gossip Girl's assault be so focused at Serena, making it seem as if she'd be the obvious guilty party and then not going there.

-Glad they got graduation out of the way in the first act, because obviously nobody wants to see these character in caps and gowns, we want to see them done up and getting drunk! On one education-related note though, I do want to praise the show for making the process of putting every important cast member at (more or less) the same college next year seem at least kinda organic. I remember even as a kid calling bullshit when everybody on Saved By the Bell just decided to go to college together; here at least there are explanations for why Dan and Blair are "stuck" at NYU and they also utilize the fact that there is, y'know, more than one college in New York by having Nate at Columbia (though he could easily end up at NYU as well since he blew off his internship). Obviously there will still be some sort of hijinx to relocate Serena from Brown, but I'm hardly asking for hyper-realism on a show like Gossip Girl, so even some semblance is just gravy. I also loved how outraged my fiancee got when Blair called NYU a "glorified state school."

-It would have been a very disappointing season finale without a Wallace Shawn sighting, so thank goodness we didn't need to face that grim possibility.

-One thing I didn't dig was how, just like with the Poppy caper, Dan was left out of the group scheming. I know Dan is a lot of people's least favorite character, but I've always liked him. Obviously the big hook of the show is watching super rich people be super rich, but I thought having the poor kid outsider as a POV narrator was a nice touch and I really did like his and Serena's relationship. I don't mind that the primary focus of the show has moved away from Dan/Serena (maybe for good), because a lot of shows fall in the trap of just getting the same tow characters together again, but I wish he could still be more than just the whiny narc even if he's not dating her; some of his best episodes were with Chuck and Nate, so it would be nice for him to remain looped in as opposed to always off with Vanessa or his sister. Hopefully they'll move in a better direction with him next year, but I've been kinda disappointed with where the character headed in the second half of this season.

-Nate's slow admission to his grandfather about the various levels of things wrong with his affair way back at the beginning of the season was classic Gossip Girl, because there's never just one thing fucked up with a situation, it's always three or four.

-Did not care about Jenny's subplot. Do not care about Jenny. Would rather Eric was a regular cast member than her.

-As Sean would would say, nothing wrong with scenes that involve Leighton Meester slowly taking off stockings. Nothing wrong at all. In related news, Blake Lively's dress seemed to be fighting to liberate itself from her chest all episode.

-The party scene with everybody's secrets being revealed at once was awesome. On the one hand, it reinforces what I said earlier the bonkers pace of the show, but on the other, it surprised me how many leftover secrets from the season that hadn't been revealed and was at least a nice attempt at manufacturing some sense of continuity. Granted it would have been nice for some actual consequences or conflict lasting more than 15 minutes coming from the Chuck-Vanessa tryst or Blair sleeping with Chuck's uncle, but you gotta just roll your eyes at the squashed potential storylines and enjoy the ride. The overlapping Kristen Bell narrative was great. Who didn't know Dan slept with that teacher though?

-Despite what I said earlier about Dan, I did thoroughly enjoy Blair calling him out on not behaving any differently from the rest of them despite his constant protestations to the contrary (and the fact that Nelly Yuki had a secret crush on him).

-The big payoff scene with Gossip Girl luring everybody to the bar and then letting them know she'd be following them to college was actually a pretty decent summation of high school: those four years can be pretty shitty, but the bad stuff bonds you to the people you go through it with, even if you only realize it in the final moments before you all head off to college. That scene with all these people who were probably completely disparate since they were kids coming together, sharing a drink and laughing over the shared experiences they never realized they had pretty closely resembled my senior year at least.

-I wish the Rufus-Lily reunion/resolution had been, I dunno, bigger, or perhaps grander is a better word for it. They've got a pretty epic love story (or as epic as Gossip Girl gets), and for them to come back together over getting stoned and eating popcorn seemed a bit anticlimatic. I wonder if the episode was written before the spin-off didn't get picked up and maybe they initially wanted Lily unattached going into next season. Oh well. I do find it hard to believe that they're completely closing the door on Dan and Serena, which their parents getting married would seem to imply, but having those two relationships somehow exist simultaneously without being too creepy has always been the challenge of this show.

-I'm glad Nate and Vanessa are apparently back together, mostly because I feel like their relationship is a sort of quarantine that keeps the two least interesting characters on the show from dragging the others down. Man did Vanessa get off the hook for sleeping with Chuck without a hitch though. Nate spent weeks getting on Chuck for flirting with Blair but says nothing in this instance to either of them? And his quitting the internship he spent so long agonizing over off-camera is, again, very this show.

-Jury is out on Dan's stalker half-brother. Kid playing him seemed decent enough, but we'll have to see where they go with it.

-It will be interesting to see if Michelle Tractenberg is joining full-time as Georgina next season, as her scene seemed to imply. She's been great on the show and she's been...not so great. I think she might be best taken in small doses, but we'll see. Her whole "Yeah, the Poppy thing is taken care of, I'm not going to bother explaining it" bit did make me laugh because, once again, very Gossip Girl. That thread could get picked up in the fall, but I feel like it won't. I'm not gonna lose any sleep.

-I am excited about Serena's dad possibly being on the show. Why? Because Gossip Girl rocks at stunt casting adult characters! I'm pulling for Anthony Michael Hall or one of the Coreys.

-And of course we end with the long-awaited Blair-Chuck "I love you" scene. In the moment, I was giggling like a schoolgirl and applauding because I'm pretty gay and it was a nice moment. In the longterm, it's tough because they're an incredibly compelling couple and they've already put them through every conceivable hurdle, but having them together robs the show of its two primary schemers, because happily fulfilled people don't scheme. Is this why they're bringing in Georgina and possibly that Carter dude on the regular? Eh. They're no Blair and Chuck. I'll have some confidence in the writers, but they've got their work cut out for them. Also, Leighton Meester and Ed Westwick were "kissing" like two people who want to do anything but kiss each other; the amount of twirling and face-rotating they were doing in a seeming effort to not make lip contact was hysterical.

Well, that's all I've got. Thanks for another great season, Gossip Girl; I will miss you but look forward to seeing your latest racy poster campaign on the streets of New York City in a couple months!